Awake
by SlytheringBacktoHogwarts
Summary: "The greatest torture one can endure is being forced to kill the one that you love." Draco is in Azkaban, awaiting death for war crimes. Her word can't save him - only his - and those words he can't bring himself to speak aloud. Dramione. Was originally a oneshot based on the song Awake by Secondhand Serenade but I decided to add a second chapter. I couldn't leave it alone!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello Everyone! This is my first fanfic. After some restless nights once this idea came to me I decided it was time to put my thoughts to the keyboard and let you guys judge!**

 **This is a oneshot based around the song Awake by Secondhand Serenade. Originally this was a song fic but I received several reviews stating that song fics were technically not allowed. Having a degree in English and a MLIS, I completely understand copyright and plagiarism but figured if I cited the work it would be fine (I was never trying to take the words and use them as my own). I ended up editing to remove the perfect lyrics from the storyline, which I fear has messed up the flow but you gotta do what you gotta do. Please listen to the song as you read this piece, it will make the experience 100 times better.**

 **Also, a little clarification - Originally the song lyrics were the separation between his and hers POVs. So since I took out the lyrics I kept horizontal lines hoping (not to cause choppiness) but to maintain this little bit of separation. I wanted to use something other than the solid horizontal line that fanfiction creates because the story flows just between persons but everything I tried would just disappear when I saved - if anyone has any ideas please let me know.**

 **LASTLY, I don't own the Harry Potter universe, no matter how much I wish (along with everyone else on fanfiction typing away our ideas behind a screen!)**

 **Please read and review! Let me know if you like, because if I don't feel the love I may not write more.**

* * *

He stood with his back to the door, staring out at the moon's reflections in the blackened waters of the North Sea. His white t-shirt fit tight across his broad shoulders but fell loose further down his torso. Solitary was doing him good, even if he didn't want to admit it. Even in this dreary setting with tomorrow looming just behind the moon, his comfort was obvious. He held his head high, as he would until his body crumpled lifeless to the floor, until his upbringing could no longer influence how he held himself, until death met him, until tomorrow.

"Draco…" she whispered. Her voice broke and she took a deep shaky breath, trying to hold back the inevitable tears.

He didn't respond but his body gave away that he'd indeed heard her soft voice across the cell; the muscles in his back tightened immediately and he turned slightly, taking a deep breath as if sucking in the last little bit of hope he had. The new angle gave her a view of right side of his face; the moonlight left barred shadows across his features, shadows that darkened everything but his grey eyes. His blonde hair fell down like a blanket trying to cover the pain that her shaky breath invoked in those eyes. Reaching up to run his hand through his greasy mane, her eyes fell to the faded mark on his forearm, the only remaining proof of the horrid things he'd done in his past. Well that and the black numbers jotted across his strained neck, proving that time in Azkaban was something you'd carry with you the rest of your life, if you were lucky enough to see the outside of the prison walls again.

"They didn't listen, did they?" His voice was deep and scratchy, as if he hadn't spoken in months, which he probably hadn't.

Her hands fumbled with the keys in her hands. She wanted to enter but nerves were getting the best of her. This space, while unwanted, was his space, his only sole possession, the only thing he could control. She dared a glance back up and her eyes met his; tears began to cloud her vision as she started blinking rapidly, trying her best to hold them in. She felt the scene before her was like an old motion picture, choppy with each blink; every time her eyes opened he was a step closer. When she opened her eyes to find his inches away she gasped, dropping the keys to the cold stone floor. She bit her lip, wary that moving would cause the tears she was holding back to spill over. He stooped to gather the keys, obviously ignoring the electrifying magic that reaching through the bars produced. When his hands found hers, she felt the chilling metal key in her hand but the look in his eyes was what sent shivers up her spine. He knew; his eyes told her that much as they dropped to the floor.

She quickly entered the cell, jumping as the bars slammed tight behind her. She'd be damned if she would leave him now. Crossing to the small bed against the wall, she grabbed his hand along the way. So many times when she was imprisoned in his basement, those hands had soothed her. Quietly she whispered the words that he so many times had murmured to her, "It will all be okay."

He was so quiet and still that she swore he didn't hear her. Perhaps the words were just in her head, as she knew he'd know they were empty promises. Until she heard his reply, the one she had so often pleaded when she was the one alone in a dark, damp cell, "Stay."

She nodded knowing there was nowhere she would rather be tonight than with her arms around the person she knew saved her life, her angel.

* * *

Like usual, the silence settled between them. He pulled her as close as possible - all he wanted right now was to feel her heartbeat. He needed to know that while his would stop, hers would beat on. He breathed deeply, the scent of parchment and roses filled him, instantly calming his nerves. She jumped as his fingers skimmed the scarred letters on her arm.

"Are you -" she froze as if second guessing the question he was about to voice.

"Scared?" he finished. He felt her nod and tightened his arms around her, as if he were capable of pulling her so close that their bodies would dissolve into one. "Not of dying." He felt her breath tremble as she moved to look up at his face. He stared at the ceiling, not wanting to meet her beautiful eyes, knowing they would see through his facade, straight to the lies.

He held his breath knowing the question that was coming. "Of what then." He knew the answer, had thought about it a million times over the past 5 years - 60 months, 260 weeks, 1,820 days, 43,680 hours, 2,620,800 sleepless minutes- the one thing he was scared of in life, was losing the one thing that gave him hope. He ran his hand through his hair again, as if trying to push his thoughts out. She was staring, waiting patiently for an answer he might never be able to voice. He could feel her eyes on the bloody mark and wished that he had a sleeve to cover it up.

"Why are you here?" The question escaped his lips before he knew he wanted to ask. While he was curious, he didn't want to hear her answer, afraid it would break his heart - or hers.

"Why did you care for me?" She answered with a question; were they doomed to just asking each other questions, never hearing the answers that they seeked.

"When?" He knew when so why did he even bother to ask. He couldn't get it out of his head, that moment when his sadistic aunt told him she caught him a present; Bellatrix practically giggled with excitement. Seeing Hermione Granger chained in his basement broke him, though his family never even realized; the second his eyes fell onto her unconscious form his heart had shattered. Looking back he couldn't decide what unsettled him - was it because he was witnessing the true horrors of his upbringing and the dark side, or because he couldn't comprehend how someone so tortured could still be so beautiful. He had snuck down to the basement that night and tried to revive her, wanting nothing more than to break the protective spells his aunt and father had placed around her and steal her away into safety. He healed her as best as he could, without giving away to the evil lurking upstairs that he cared; he cared for the witch before him, more than he could even comprehend. If they knew they would not only torture her to within inches of her death but would make him watch, or possibly join in on the madness; hell they would probably force him to deliver her to death's door under the Imperius curse.

He looked down to see a tear trail down her cheek. Catching it with his thumb, she sighed and closed her eyes. She opened her mouth to speak and he placed his fingers over her lips, silencing her. He wanted nothing more than to answer her question, but with tomorrow looming just behind the moon he knew the answers he'd give would only hurt her. He'd snuck into the dungeons of Malfoy Manor to hold her every night after a day of torture or starvation just to give her some hope that not everything under that roof was pure evil. Every time he fell to his knees and felt her pulse he would immediately calm knowing that, while in pain, she was at least still alive, that he could pull her into his arms and watch her sleep. While she wanted to know why, he would never be able to explain to her the feelings that possessed him to sneak food from his plate down to her, or the thoughts running through his head when the house was starting to quiet down and he was only moments away from seeing her. He couldn't tell her any of this because it would break her heart knowing that tomorrow was inevitable; one broken heart was more than enough.

He wanted to remember everything about her, every scent that filled him when she was near, every sound that escaped her lips, every beat of her heart. He'd do anything to ensure that the last thing that crossed his mind before death was the softness of her skin beneath his fingers, or how her chocolate curls felt as they brushed across his chest. Draco watched as another tear slipped down her cheek. This time he didn't stop it, couldn't stop it, wanting to remember the detail of that shimmer cascading down her face and falling onto his shirt. Her lips parted and she sucked in a shaky breath and his emotions surged to the front as if she were a dementor about to plant a fated kiss upon him.

* * *

Hermione froze, waiting for his eyes to roam back to hers. While the Veritaserum had long since worn off, she felt the need to be truthful with him as she had the Ministry. Nobody wanted to be locked away and tortured senseless, but she was glad that at least he had been there during that time. He was a ray of sunlight everyday in a room that had no windows.

She could show the Ministry her memories of how his touch was caring, how he'd sneak her food and make sure that at least some of her scars were healed but they needed to hear it from him. The Ministry needed him to explain why he would put his life in danger for a prisoner of the Dark Lord; he was the only thing that could save himself. But he wouldn't speak. He wouldn't share his memories and emotions, not even with her.

Deep down she knew that he was holding back, knowing that whatever he had to say would shatter her world. Even outside the walls of the Malfoy's dungeon, he was trying to save her.

When grey eyes found hers again, she took a trembling breath and decided that, no matter what he told her, she would be heartbroken within 24 hours.

"I -"

"Please, don't speak." He interrupted her and the gentleness of his request shocked her.

She felt the rise and fall of his chest with each deep breath he took. She closed her eyes and could almost imagine being back in the dungeon, wrapped in his arms, fearing the sun rising when he'd be forced to leave her lying alone on the cold stone floor. She sat up on the thin mattress unable to stop the questions. She needed to know. She needed to save him. She still could if he would just let go.

"What went through your mind?"

His brow creased with confusion as he inquired, "When?"

"Every morning when you left." Her voice came out innocent and quiet. She watched as he ran his hands across his face, trying unsuccessfully to hide a sigh. After a few moments of silence, she knew he wasn't going to answer without some probing. "I just want to prepare."

"For what?" He sat up then, perhaps wondering where she was going with her questions.

"For tomorrow. When I leave you. Knowing that perhaps it will be the last time I ever see you."

* * *

As she pulled away from him, he could feel the room getting colder. He eased closer to her, needing to feel her warmth as her breath tickled his skin, needing to erase the space between them and mold his body back around her.

"That was different -"

"But was it?" Before he knew what was happening, her fingers found his face. "Tell me." He watched as the words formed on her lips, oblivious to any sound above the tiniest whisper.

"This is different. You need not worry like I did."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to die tomorrow." He'd do anything to take back his harsh words. She withdrew her hand, and he could see her visibly recoil, pulling her body away from his and with it the warmth.

"I -" He could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to best form the sentence she wanted to verbalize. "I meant why did you worry…" Her words fell off at the end of the question, forcing him to strain to hear. He stood, walking towards the window; unsure of how much time passed, he watched the waves violently crashing around the island that Azkaban stood secretly upon. His thoughts were in turmoil much like the ocean outside. Would telling her really be that damning?

She sighed from somewhere behind him and he felt as if she was miles away in that moment; the distance suiting him fine as he realized he couldn't look her in the eyes as he answered her questions.

"I worried -" He could hear her suck in a large breath, as if holding in oxygen would allow him more space in the small cell to fill with his words. "I worried about what they'd do to me." The sob that escaped her was enough to cause him to turn, causing him to see her inching towards the cell door. She couldn't leave, just as he couldn't stop. "I worried they would force torture upon you by my hand. I worried they'd force me to rape you if they caught me sneaking away from you each morning. I worried -" she froze with her back to him, trembling. "I worried they would force me to kill you, just to kill me."

"Why would they?" Her voice was barely a whisper, closer to a whimper. He closed the distance between them but paused behind her back, refusing to wrap his arms around her as he delivered the final blow to her heart.

"Because -" His voice was weak so he cleared his throat, needing to say these words clearly. "Because the greatest torture one can endure is being forced to kill the one that you love."

* * *

Love. With that one simple word, tingling sensations burst from her chest. She was afraid to move, worried that it would stir her from a deep slumber. All those hours, days, months locked up in the dungeon, she had started dreaming of happiness each night with his arms wrapped tight around her to ward of the nightmares. How many mornings she had awoken, as he untangled himself from her, from dreams where he'd whisper his feelings. This had to be another such dream; there was no way she was getting the happy ending she had dreamt so often of.

She could feel her shoulders begin to tremble and the breeze sent shivers down her as it hit her tear streaked cheeks. Strong arms snaked around her waist, as he gently pulled her into him. "Draco -"

She felt herself being lifted, as if floating on a cloud. When she dared open her eyes, they were again intertwined and she could feel his heart beating so strongly and rapidly that it felt as if it were coming from inside of her very own chest. She closed her eyes, fearing that keeping them open would cause her dream world to come crashing down. Was this really happening or was she still locked in the cold dungeons of Malfoy Manor. Perhaps Bellatrix had discovered during a torture session the feelings that Hermione felt for the witches nephew and had doomed her to a nightmare. She held her breath, trying to decide if she wanted to wake up and find herself alone on the cold stone floor or if she wanted to remain in this dream until the smirk returned to Draco's features and he chuckled something about "gotcha Mudblood."

This was just a dream. It had to be. He couldn't return the feelings.

"I love you, Hermione, and will until the day that I die."

Lips brushed against her forehead, as her name caused her to come crashing back into reality. Tomorrow. Until tomorrow. This isn't a dream. But a living nightmare.

* * *

It was all out there now. She hadn't spoken since he answered all her questions in one statement; hell, she had barely breathed. He searched her face for some clue of what was going on inside her brilliant mind, but all he could see was tears and her teeth nibbling nervously on her bottom lip. While he thought his love for her was all he'd been holding back, after her silence filled the room, he found himself breaking it - much like he figured he was breaking her heart.

"I think I loved you the moment I met you. My father always insisted that Muggleborns were stupid and undeserving of magic, but even before the first day of classes began our first year at Hogwarts you were proving him wrong." Trembling, that is all he felt and he wasn't quite sure if it was coming from him or her.

"I was scared, you were proving every ideal I had grown up with wrong. You were not only the most brilliant witch of our age but beautiful. You worked hard to know everything and be the best while the purebloods who thought they were the only ones worthy of magic misused and mistreated it and everyone around them." He paused hoping she would say something, anything. Her body was rigid as if the thought of him loving her was disgusting and vile.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry!" Her eyes snapped open at those four words, disbelievingly. She started to open her mouth and as much as he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to get out everything first. "I treated you like scum because I thought it was how I was supposed to treat you. Honestly, I think I treated you like that, called you awful names -" his eyes fled from hers to the crooked letters carved deep into her arm, he slowly brought her wrist towards him and planted soft kisses over the name he would never mutter again, even if he lived past tomorrow - "because I wanted you to hate me, as much as I hate myself."

She was staring at his chest as if she could see through him straight to his heart. "You failed." Her voice was so quiet that he barely heard her; did she say that, or did he imagine it. He craved her eyes in that moment, knowing that they were the key to her soul; they would tell him whether the words had truly came from her or his head.

* * *

His fingers lifted her chin, forcing her eyes to meet his. She craved him but she needed some more answers. As grey met brown she took control of the situation, flipping on top of him, her curls cascading down to block out the rest of the world around them; it was just him and her there in those moments. "If you truly loved me, why did you do it then? Why did you take the mark? Why did you fight for the Dark Lord, Draco?"

He tried to turn his head, to shield himself from the questions, but she was having none of it anymore. She placed her hands on both sides of his face, forcing him to look deep into her eyes, eyes she knew was filled with tears and love.

"To save you, Hermione." Confusion must have shown across her face because he continued. "I wanted to make sure that if you were captured, you wouldn't be killed. I wanted to make sure that if the war ended in the Dark Lord's favor, you would be spared. I could only do that from the dark side. So I risked my life to save the woman I loved."

She was unsure whether she was being pulled towards him or whether she was seeking him out but she was completely aware of their lips colliding. The salty taste of tears invaded her tastebuds but she was unsure whether they were hers or his. Magic tingled between them and she knew that no matter what happened tomorrow, tonight she was going to spend it in the arms of a man that would do anything for her, a man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life kissing just like this. "Draco -"

"Shhhh, just let me forget tomorrow is coming." He trailed kisses down her neck with need and desire that Hermione had never felt. Reluctantly she tried to push herself from his arms; she needed to talk, needed to let him know that he owned her heart. He tightened his hold, finding the spot behind her ear that send shivers down to the tips of her toes and sucking gently; she knew that would leave a small bruise, a mark that tomorrow would prove to everyone his feelings, feelings that he spilled to her in his last hours.

"Draco -" She pushed her hands hard into his chest. He grunted slightly as his hold on her released. Sitting on him, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath counting down to his last, she fingered the bottom of her t-shirt, nerves wondering what he would do. Then Hermione let her heart take over, ripping her shirt over her head and tossing it off the bed. "I love you too." His lips collided with her as he pulled her down to the bed next to him.

Hope filled her, even as the tears still tumbled down her cheeks; she would stay awake through the night, savoring every private moment with him. Tomorrow she would spill this night that she would cherish into a tear, a tear filled with memories that when shown to the Ministry would save his life.

* * *

 **AN: Again - I beg you to review. I didn't have a BETA (but I do have a degree) so hopefully the grammar isn't too horrendous and that the story makes sense even without the lyrics within.**

 **Perhaps since this is no longer a song fic I will also continue it...Follow and you may see!**

 **Two quick questions for my readers:**

 **1) Does the title still work? I'm thinking about changing it (and I'm open for suggestions) now that the lyrics aren't weaved throughout.**

 **2) Did it make sense even though it changed perspectives? Was everything clear?**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:**

 **Originally this was supposed to be a oneshot songfic. But after having to remove the lyrics because of copyright infringement I decided, there wasn't anything stopping me from letting you all know the outcome of the story (except time - sorry the holidays and exams had me bogged down).**

 **This will be the end of this story but PLEASE follow me because it won't be the end of my writing! I have already started another story so go by and check it out :) Strangely it didn't get nearly as many hits as this one so I wasn't as inspired to write quickly as I originally planned.**

 **Review and show me the love!**

* * *

As the heavy door to the courtroom slammed behind her, it was as if the entire room turned to see who would interrupt this important moment. Hermione could feel the weight of the moment not just in the air, but in the grey eyes that bore into hers. She wanted to look away, to hide the tears she could feel filling hers, but it was as if he could control her mind in that moment and he didn't want her looking away. He could - he was perfectly skilled at occlumency; he could delve into her mind from where he stood chained and find the memory of Harry telling her he would see what he could do. But he didn't - he was accepting defeat.

She could tell from his stance that he had given up hope. His shoulders slumped just the slightest bit and it seemed as if he was struggling to breathe. His face was strong, his head held high, but she could see his bottom lip pulled inward just the tiniest bit on one side, suggesting he was biting down on it. But what gave him away completely was the tiny tremor in his hands. As if he were reading her thoughts, Draco balled his fists and closed his eyes. The chains shifted at his ankles as he tried to turn away from her, but they kept him rooted to the spot.

"Draco Lucius Malfoy - " Kingsley Shacklebolt's deep voice resounded around the room. With each commanding word it seemed as if Draco recoiled; his hair fell into his eyes which he kept cast down towards his feet and in that moment Hermione felt he looked the more vulnerable than he ever had or would, even if he could survive until tomorrow. Hermione tore her eyes away, looking for Harry, hoping that he could stop this circus. "You have been found guilty of crimes against the wizarding community as well as aiding and embedding the criminal, Tom Marvolo Riddle, as well as death eaters and escapees of Azkaban. The punishment for your crimes is death."

With the last word out there, dangling above the heads of all the onlookers, a door opened and 5 witches and wizards that Hermione recognized not only as aurors but also as victims, survivors who had lost their families to Lord Voldemort and the death eaters. These 5 aurors would simultaneously fire the killing curse, so they would never know who fired the spell that killed the wizard in from of them.

Hermione started to race forward. She had to do something; she couldn't just stand there and watch.

The group of wizards and witches all raised their wands. "Avada K -"

* * *

Hermione jerked awake. She was covered in sweat and shaking. She snapped her fingers and the lamp by her bedside switched on. A glance at the clock showed it was just slightly after 4 AM. She had gotten more sleep tonight than she had in the 3 weeks since but that didn't help slow her heart rate down by any means.

Deciding that sleep would be difficult, she slipped out of the bed; a run, good old fashioned muggle exercise, would clear her mind. Quietly she pulled on some tights and a hoodie and tiptoed across the hardwood floor. While her lack of sleep was obvious, she still didn't want to wake him. She didn't want to be questioned about what was keeping her up, she couldn't lie. Hermione had to get that moment out of her head; she couldn't let it haunt her for the rest of her life.

Pausing to pull on her tennis shoes and put in headphones, she pulled open the door and was met with the cold London air. Yes, a run and music would surely clear her head.

* * *

He heard the click of the door and sat up quick in bed. Straining his ears in the darkness for any sounds of a perpetrator in the apartment, he turned to find the bed empty beside him. Hermione was gone, again.

Glancing at the clock he saw it was 4:20 AM. He knew she wasn't sleeping well at night, her tossing and turning often kept him awake. Several times he'd questioned her about it hoping that she would open up; he was starting to assume it was because he was here.

* * *

When she returned home an hour later, out of breath and tired but strangely rejuvenated. She headed for the bathroom for a shower. Shower, eat, then head into work early - that was her plan. That would get her through another day.

She turned on the hot water and watched as the steam started to fill the room. As she stepped into the shower and felt the bite of the scalding water against her skin, she couldn't help but shiver as the image of his cold grey eyes met hers as the aurors said - _NO_! She was not thinking about it again! She sank down the wall, palming her eyes, willing herself to not cry.

When she felt the wrinkles starting, Hermione exited the shower, used a quick spell to dry and de-friz her hair, and headed quietly through her small apartment towards the kitchen. With a swish of her wand she made a cup of tea, knowing that the whistle of the tea kettle would wake him. She grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and poured herself a bowl of cereal, all the while staring out the window at the darkening sky of London.

She needed to think positive thoughts. So without difficulty Hermione pulled the memory forward of the night when Draco told her he loved her - a memory she would cherish forever. A small smile started to form as warmth filled her. Yes, she just needed to think happy thoughts to make it through the day.

* * *

He quietly watched her go through her morning routine in the kitchen from the doorway. While beautiful as ever, the lack of rest was starting to show; her eyes had dark spots beneath them and looked as if they were caving in. Worry lines were becoming a permanent feature in her face that he longed to kiss away much like the stress and thoughts that were plaguing her daily. He considered delving into her thoughts to find the root of this problem so he wouldn't have to listen to another lie. But he knew she would feel him there and his presence would make her angry; she had a right to privacy just like everyone.

As she brought her teacup to her lips he noted that a smile had started to pull at the corners of her lips, something he hadn't seen in awhile. Warmth filled him knowing that she could still manage happiness, and he hoped that he was the reason behind this slight change to her features.

"He who wears a smile instead of worrying is always the strongest." At the sound of his voice she whipped around, gasping, and almost spilling her tea.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry. I was trying to be quiet." Color rose to her cheeks as if she were embarrassed of his presence. "Would you like a cup of tea? I'll make you one." He kept his eyes on her as she flicked her wand and a cup of tea appeared in his hands. She seemed nervous around him.

"All are not asleep who have their eyes shut."

"Two proverbs in one morning; you've been reading my books." She knew him well; or perhaps she knew the proverbs well.

"I don't have much else to do." He watched as her face scrunched up in contemplation and she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I think I can swing by Flourish and Blotts after work and pick you up something - " Uncertainty pulled her eyes towards the floor and he could tell she had more she wanted to say but was unsure how to word it.

"The muggle literature is actually quite fascinating; no need to go out of your way for me." Her head snapped up, shocked, and he could tell she was searching his face for the truth; which he'd just told her. He did like curling up in a chair by the window while she was gone to work, reading her books. So far he had read works that he assumed were famous in the muggle world, if not they should be - works from Charles Dickens, Herman Melville, and Charlotte Brontë. He'd skimmed through a book of proverbs yesterday and found them absolutely captivating; they reminded him of Albus Dumbledore.

He watched as her eyes flicked to the clock on the wall behind him. With a sigh, she looked down at her fidgeting hands around her teacup. "I ought to be leaving soon for work."

"Hermione, you need to talk about what is going on."

"I - " Stepping towards her, she took a step away from him, bumping into the kitchen counter behind her. He hated trapping her but she needed to talk to him.

"Don't say you have to leave because it isn't even 6 AM yet and I know you don't have to be at the Ministry until 8 AM. It is a 10 minute commute if you walk. Leaving is no excuse." He closed the gap between them, took the cup from her trembling hands, placing it on the counter behind her, and pulled her face up to look him in the eyes. She snapped her eyes shut as if looking into his burned her, or perhaps they chilled her down the the soul because she shivered. "Hermione - " he placed a soft kiss against her temple.

* * *

His lips pressed against her forehead as if he were trying to press the thoughts right out. "Please, let me in." His voice sounded pained, as if her silence were stabbing him through the vocal chords. She willed her eyes to open, willed herself to look into the eyes that earlier she sat in the shower trying to push far back into her memories. She looked into those grey eyes that reminded her of the fog rolling into the London streets while she ran this morning, fog that breezed against her skin and cleansed her of the thoughts that were now resurfacing.

* * *

" _The punishment for your crimes is death."_

 _She started to race forward. Several of those in the crowd took notice of her but most everyone couldn't tear their eyes away from the group of aurors who had just entered the room, the group that would end the life of the man that she couldn't live without, wouldn't live without. She didn't know how, but she had to save him. Her footsteps were loud on the marble floors, but she was certain her heartbeat was more discernible._

" _Avada K - "_

 _As she threw herself in front of Draco, the entire room went completely still. Even the aurors froze mid-curse; they wouldn't risk accidentally hitting the wrong target. Although nobody had placed a silencing charm on the room, that was how eerily quiet it was in that instant._

 _She turned, knowing full well the entire room was watching, and watched as the grey peeked out from between lashes in confusion. Hermione brought her hand to his face whispering "Please, let them in" but in the silence the private moment was audible to the entire courtroom. When he sank into her touch the entire room erupted into noise; he had just done the opposite of what they all thought he'd do._

" _For you." He whispered._

" _Silence!" Kingsley Shacklebolt's words immediately quieted the whole room. Hermione turned, dropping her hand, to face the authority figure behind the stand, making sure to keep her body as close to Draco's as possible without touching. She heard the soft rattle of chains and felt warmth run through her entire body as Draco placed his hand in hers. "Miss Granger. What is the meaning of this?"_

 _She opened her mouth to answer but before any words could form she was interrupted by Draco's deep voice behind her. "I can explain." As Shacklebolt's attention shifted to the wizard standing behind Hermione, she too turned, wondering what he would say in front of a room full of people judging his every move. His eyes were closed and he was biting his bottom lip in concentration. When he opened him, his grey irises stared straight into Hermione's._

" _I love Hermione Granger and have since the moment I met her." Whispers sounded around the room but Hermione was determined not to pull her eyes away from his. He needed her in this moment; she was rooting him to the truth and the feelings that could keep him alive. "In the beginning I was scared and embarrassed of the feelings that I felt for her; I hated myself for the warmth that filled my chest whenever Hermione laughed, the smile I had to hide when she answered a question in class. I hated that I couldn't take my eyes off her. But mostly I hated that I cared so deeply what others thought that I had to cover my emotions with disgusting retorts and comments. By the time I was mature enough to admit my feelings to myself, I also had to admit the damage I had done was irreparable; Hermione Granger would never feel anything for me but hatred and contemptment. When the Dark Lord asked me to join his ranks, she was on the forefront of my mind. I wanted to make sure that if the war ended with his rise into power, that she would be spared; I wanted to make certain that she would live no matter if it meant handing over my life to someone that I completely disagreed with."_

 _The whispers had risen slowly throughout Draco's speech, but his eyes had never left Hermione's._

" _This is absurd!" At the sound of a familiar voice, Hermione turned to meet the eyes of one of the aurors standing in front of her. "'Mione how can you believe a word that comes out of that lowlife's mouth?" Ron was shaking his head furiously as if trying to shake out Draco's words that were bouncing around inside his skull._

" _Because Ronald - "_

" _He saved her." The entire room, including Hermione, shifted their gaze to the far door that Harry's voice sounded from. He strolled across the room to the couple everyone's attention had been on. "When Hermione was being kept prisoner, Malfoy took it upon himself to save her and care for her when he could."_

" _Mr. Potter are you vouching for Mr. Malfoy's feelings?" Shacklebolt questioned._

" _No." Hermione's head snapped in Harry's direction. How could he give her hope then crush it in front of the entire room? "But I am vouching for his actions pertaining to Hermione. She let me see into her memories and the compassion I saw from him while he was helping her, that would be hard to fake."_

" _Mr. Malfoy - " The room again turned their attention to the blonde in chains. "Would you allow us to see into your mind unguarded? This will truly be the only way for us to know if your intentions were honestly to keep Ms. Granger safe."_

 _Draco nodded and it was as if the whole room gasped. Shacklebolt moved to stand next to Draco and Hermione watched, like the rest of the courtroom, as Shacklebolt stood quietly, roaming through Draco's mind and memories. Occasionally he'd murmur something that sounded like "hm" or "oh wow" but the blonde standing quietly chained to the floor remained still, as if the blonde hair on his head was snow keeping everything beneath it frozen in place. After what seemed like hours, Shacklebolt shook his head, and opened his eyes, looking at Draco with a look of understanding. He whispered a few words to Harry then turned to the stands full of witches and wizards. "My colleagues and I will need a few moments to process this new information." With that several wizards exited into the hallway with Harry and Kingsley._

 _Draco looked spent so Hermione conjured a chair and pushed him into it. He still hadn't moved. "Draco - " she quietly questioned him, crouching down in front of him, as the room exploded into conversation. "Draco, what did he see?"_

" _Everything." He was so motionless that Hermione could swear she imagined his response. She took a deep, wavering breathe and when she opened his eyes his pierced into hers like a knife through chocolate. Before she had time to register his movement, he pulled her face to his and kissed her passionately in front of the entire courtroom. Hermione felt warmth in every crevice of her body; there was tingling in the tips of her nails and it felt as if every hair on her body was tingling with electricity. She pushed closer to him, feeling that his heartbeat was hers and that if they pulled apart she would surely stop breathing. They were one and she felt if he were gone in the next hour or the next day she would never be complete again without him._

 _A loud ahem, alerted them to the entire room, as well as the group that had left to discuss Draco's memories, watching. Kingsley Shacklebolt had resumed his position behind the stand and it was clear by the wand amplifying his voice that he had been the one clearing his throat. She jumped from his lap and stood by his side, keeping her hand latched in his._

" _Draco Lucius Malfoy -" The room fell silent and Hermione felt Draco's hand tense in hers. "After receiving useful and important new information. The Ministry of Magic deems that your actions as a death eater were done under good intention. Under occlumency, it was seen that you never willingly killed another witch, wizard, or muggle, instead going out of your way to ensure the safety of those you'd been sent to kill." Hermione's head jerked towards Draco. Was it true? He had saved more than just her? "While you were still forced into some actions, you did so with a heavy heart. Your remorse and the pain you feel for the actions you couldn't avoid, is a form of punishment that you will endure the remainder of your life. With that being said, the court has decided that your life should be spared much like the lives of those you saved." Draco's eyes hadn't risen from his lap. He stayed completely still under Hermione's gaze, waiting for Shacklebolt to tell him what was to happen next. "We cannot expunge your record of being a death eater completely, as we cannot ignore the fact that you are still guilty of some charges. You will be placed under house arrest until you are deemed safe to the entire wizarding community; during this time you will visit the Ministry weekly for therapy and you will have no wand. Do you have any questions?"_

" _I have no home - " Draco started. He still hadn't lifted his eyes from his lap and it was as if Hermione could sense he was embarrassed; someone of such means suddenly didn't even own the clothes on his back._

 _Harry's voice sounded around the room suddenly. "Well you will be staying with a Ministry official so you will be guarded most hours during the day."_

" _We figured since the two of you seem so keen to keep the other alive that Miss Granger wouldn't mind volunteering for the position." A smile stretched across Kingsley's features._

* * *

"I - " Her voice was quiet and he could tell she was trying to figure how best to continue. He stayed still hoping not to scare her off but she pulled away from him. "I almost lost you! And I just can't stop reliving that moment."

"But I'm right here and even if I could, I'm not going anywhere!" She wasn't feeling trapped knowing he was bound by law in her home and that gave him a small sense of relief. But knowing that she was plagued with nightmares and thoughts of him - it left a tiny crack in his heart that he knew only she'd be able to heal.

"I know"

"Then stay with me." He pulled her into his embrace and felt her body sag into his. In that moment he could feel the weight of her worries. They hadn't lost each other, but they could have. He never wanted her to leave the house again, leave him again, even if for only a couple hours. Time with each other would be all that could heal the couple and he was determined that together they'd make it through even the darkest of times.

* * *

 **AN:**

 **I hope you all enjoyed! Please read and review!**


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